Feeling like you don’t deserve all that’s being given to you? It’s possible to feel too grateful, leading to low self-esteem. Learn how to overcome the too grateful trap in this post.
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Today’s message is simple, and comes from a conversation I had with a client last week.
She’s in the midst of entering into a new business partnership, and she expressed some fear. Amidst her excitement about the potential gains from the relationship, she also found herself wondering “what if they decide they want to back out? What if they’re unhappy with my work? Why are they spending this time working with me, when they could be working with better, more experienced people?”
This feeling of “not enough” isn’t just in business partnerships. It can show up in a new job, when working with a doctor or other professional, or in romantic relationships.
We’re reminded on a daily basis to express gratitude. We’re told we need to appreciate the situations and people around us.
But gratitude can be taken too far. When we find ourselves overly grateful, we’re actually denying some of our power.
We forget that in any relationship, personal or professional, both parties are there of their own free will. The other person or group benefits from the relationship, just like you.
As a result, you end up denying your full independence in the relationship.You make concessions you wouldn’t dream of doing otherwise. You don’t express your true needs and desires, for fear that the other party won’t approve.
Ultimately, it just leads to being burnt out, depressed, and unfulfilled by the relationship you were once so grateful for.
A new way:
Instead of feeling overly grateful for your new boss, recognize that you are an awesome worker that will be helping her out as well.
When you want to bring an extra presents for your friend – ask yourself why you’re doing it. Is it because you genuinely saw these gifts and knew they’d be perfect for him, or are you trying to “earn your keep”?
Remind yourself that you’re not the only lucky one. The other person is pretty damn lucky to be with you as well. Act from this place, and watch your relationships grow stronger, more secure, and be that much more satisfying.
What relationship in your life do you find yourself being grateful to the extreme? What benefit is the other party getting out of the relationship? Email me and let me know!
Thanks for reading, and have a wonderful day,
Samantha Attard, PhD, is the founder of Happy Healthy Human. Sam is a performance coach and yoga instructor who helps people eat, move, and live with intention. Learn more here.